Suck it.
My second year first semester theme. It fits, really. I’m forced to accept things I cannot change, and sincerely hope and pray that “everything’s going to be okay.” One after another, circumstances stick to me like bees to their honey, stalkers to their prey, and sluts to their paying customers, biting me as if I’m the cookie of Cookie Monster. I’ve been eaten alive, inside and out. And honestly, I don’t know what to feel anymore. It was decision after decision, consequences after another. I’m fucking tired! If there’s one lesson I learned the hard way, it was this: “There are no right or wrong decisions anymore. What makes it so hard to make a decision is to accept the consequences and guilt that comes with it. The ever so popular “What ifs?”
I regret not waking up to enlist my subjects. (given that I’m blessed in having a first batch random number)
I regret having to be in a History class, which in the beginning I thought was easy-shmeazy, REQUIRED me to read x numbers of readings as if it was my major. Sincerely and with all honesty, ma’am? WHAT THE FUCK.
I regret underestimating Fil14. It sucks that you have to answer quizzes whose questions are literally comes from anything under the sun JUST BECAUSE my well renowned professor wants to.
I regret still being in my course even if my heart’s leaning for another. And now, I doubt if they’ll give me the chance to shift.
I regret accepting The Scholarship and going through all the ups and downs of what seems to me as an additional burden instead of a stress reliever.
I regret not fighting, risking for you.
I regret taking those damn risks.
And I ask myself, what now? What do I want and/or need to do? I look at my bookmark I made in my prayer session during NSTP, and I was replenished. I quote..
“I am called to a dream greater than myself. And I shall dream nothing less.”
